Monday, April 21, 2014

I just want to Be Okay

Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson is one of my go-to power songs.

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Those lyrics have been my mantra for a few weeks and it wasn't until I was singing exuberantly along  in the car while my husband watched on that I realized WHY those words speak to my so deeply. When I looked over at my husband his eyes were wide with horror.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry, you don't like this song? *reaches to turn off the radio*
Hubs: It's fine...I was just this the way a woman's mind thinks? Are these lyrics how you feel every day? You just wake up thinking, "I just want to Be OK?"
Me: that...bad?
Hubs: You're over thinking life.

He's right, you know. My brain is always buzzing...worrying...thinking ahead...planning...and what my mind is really hoping is that everything just goes okay. I just want everything to run smoothly.

Does it ever, though? Over thinking doesn't make things go smoother.

I thought about our conversation a lot this morning. Normally I set my alarm for 5am with the hope to run because I just want to "be OK" and get into shape so that I'm healthy. I ALWAYS end up over thinking this and sleeping in. It always starts with, "UGH, I didn't get enough sleep! I can run later!" But then I get bogged down with the details of the day and have to fore-go it and there goes my intention to help myself get healthy.

And so...this morning I stopped thinking so much. When my alarm went off I got dressed and put my shoes on and did a 2 miler. 

You know what? Today (so far) is the best Monday I've had in weeks.

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